Analog Thoughts on a Digital Age

Friday, June 18, 2004

My Top Ten Most Painfully Miscast Movie Roles

Have you ever seen a movie where you come across a character and said to yourself, "...maybe (insert actor or actress' name) would have played that part better". Or gone through a terrific movie with one flaw--one character that wasn't given justice, not because the actor was bad, but because the part just didn't fit him. I bet you have encountered cases where a whole movie was ruined because one of the major characters was "Just Not Right". Well, let amaze you with my vast stock of useless knowledge and give you my list of "Top Ten Most Painfully MIscast Roles" in both Phillipine and International movies. Enjoy.

10. Sean William Scott as Kar- Bulletproof Monk

Sure he trained for the role. He had moves. He had skill. But it's hard to see him without thinking of the perverted Stifler humping the back end of a pickup truck in American Pie.

9. Kris Aquino as the Activist Leader- Dekada 70
Although she only had a bit part in the movie as an Activist leader with a megaphone rallying the students around her at Palma Hall, she had the gargantuan role of convincing the "real" audience that a spoiled Atenista who has more regular facials and body scrubs than her monthly period can actually pass of as a student leader sympathetic to communist inclinations. Sad to say, she failed.

8. Lito Lapid as Lapu Lapu - Lapu Lapu
Im sure he had good intentions with this movie. Truth be told, I admire the effort he took in learning Cebuano and reseaching for the role. The fact of the matter is, The idea of a Kapampangan playing the role of a visayan tribal leader just doesn't jive with me. Plus did you notice that he was clean-shaven? Lapu-Lapu's "tabak" was probably as sharp and as close as the Gillette Mach 3

7. Harrison Ford as Alexei Vostrikov -K19 The Widowmaker
Come on, who was convinced with his terrible Russian accent?

6. Edward Norton as Steve - The Italian Job
I love Edward Norton. He's one of my favorite actors. I like him particularly in American History X and Fight Club. He is good as the everyman, the uptight white collar slave, the neo nazi, the helpless victim. He just isn't "hateable", which is why he was wrong for the part. Steve was a snitch, a crook with no word of honor. He stole from the people who trusted him. This guy was supposed to be satan. He still ends up being the nice guy that he is. I actually felt sorry for him in the end.

5. Diane Kruger as Helen -Troy

Who was this girl anyway? Helen's character acording to Homer's Iliad was supposed to be so alluring and beautiful that men would fall in love with her on the first glance and "launch a thousand ships". The Producers could have done better by putting in some unknown model-type girl and not baywatch-type Diane. There is a movie currently in circulation in the pirated CD section of your local palengke called "Helen of Troy". Sienna Guillory played Helen (see image below) and she was good for the part too. If only they could find someone like her to have played Helen in "Troy".

4. Colin Farell as Bullseye -Daredevil
The role was originally offered to, but turned down by Vin Diesel. Colin is very good as the sleazy, slick hustler or the pretty badboy, but not as a bald superhuman villain with a nervous tic. Bob Goldthwait would have done a beter job. Plus, Colin has an oddly shaped head not like Diesel's well defined dome. To see him bald just adds my disrespect for the character.

3. Daryl Hannah as Cynthia Carter - A Walk to Remember
Dont you think its a little bit too early for Daryl Hannah to be accepting teenage-son-advice-giving mommy roles. Sure theres Susan Sarandon and
Diane Keaton, but Daryl is nowhere in their age bracket.

2. Al Pacino as Big Boy Caprice- Dick Tracy
Sure he was a gangster. The Godfather. Michael Corleone. Aside from being one of the worlds greatest screen actors, he broke the mold of the gangster image. To see him play another stereotypical gangster was just pitiful.
Maybe he was in it for the costume.

1. Robert de Niro as Fearless Leader- Rocky and Bullwinkle
I have to be honest. I didnt watch this movie all the way through. It was just too painful. Did Bobby do it out of love for the character. Good heavens, I dont think he did it for the money. There was even a part in the movie where the director shamelessly had him utter the words that he made immortal as Travis Bickle ("Are you talkin' to me?") in Taxi Driver with a silly nasal pinched voice. He was so cool as the unstable Travis but he killed that for us. I wonder if he was on crack while making the deal for this movie?


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