Analog Thoughts on a Digital Age

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Weird Stuff That I've Eaten

Ok, enough of the serious news. Let’s have some worthless junk for a change.

Many times in our youth we have been told by our mothers not to do stuff. “Don’t take candy from a stranger”, “Don’t play with fire”, “Don’t look at your uncle’s ‘magazines’”, but the earliest thing you are warned not to do is not to put certain things in your mouth.
We all went through it. We have eaten some things we shouldn’t have when we were babies or toddlers, probably even after we’ve grown old enough to know what’s edible or not to, you know, find out how it tastes.
I have eaten my share of weird stuff all these years, some not so weird, just uncommon. Some of them very common but not very many people would like to admit that they eat it. Some of them are actually very cool. Some of them are just plain gross.
Here I shamelessly bare my previous untold secrets of Stuff I’ve Eaten!! In the tradition of The Sneeze’s Steve, Don't Eat It! You may taunt me all you want. I am man enough to admit my eccentricity and willingness to experiment. This is all true.

I still don’t drink alcohol, though.

Raw Noodles- crunchy and satisfying. Noodles taste ok even if they are not cooked. Screw those seasoning packets, they’re nothing but MSG and little bits of celery and artificial flavoring.

Milo-Who hasn’t snuck in the food drawer and stolen a scoop of Milo every now and then. My mom would very frequently asked me who took a big scoop off of the half empty Milo jar. I would of course say, “mmm-mmm” shaking my head, not noticing the brown smudges in my mouth.

Nido Powdered Milk- You think I was happy with eating just the Milo? No way. Powdered milk is just as satisfying, it’s a little more messy, though. Once my sister made me laugh with a spoonful and a half full of Nido inside my mouth which eventually found it’s way on her face.

Dog Meat- I’m a dog lover. I would never hurt a dog much less kill it for food. I am also a food lover. And if I am really hungry, as you probably already figured out, I get really experimental with my food. I had my share of dog meat twice in my life. Once in a remote Bohol farm and another time with a Korean friend in Angeles City, who cooked it like stew with lots of peppers and shared it with us without telling that it was, in fact, not beef. Dog is, in one word, stringy. What sets it apart with your everyday variety of meat is that it has a very significant aroma which is easily masked by spices.

Raw Oysters- Oh, what I would give right now for a platter of oysters. Better yet, I would enjoy it more buying it straight from a fisherman on a big piece of rock with all the shells stuck together. Give me a knife or a screwdriver (something for me to pry those suckers open) and I am made. I once ate at Dampa with my friends and I made them give me all their shells. To their surprise, I was able to discover more oysters in different parts of the shells they thought were empty already. For every shell they threw away, I found three more little oysters hiding in the little nooks and crannies of the abrasive shells’ surface.

Scotch Tape- Go ahead, laugh. I discovered this very early on. In my early teens, actually. I was flipping through my baby journal (My mom kept a baby journal during my developing years as a baby) when I saw an entry that went, “Today, Paul ate a large wad of scotch tape he found on the floor”.

Camaru (Crickets)- I was 9 when I first saw cricket on a plate. Being the 9 year old that I was, I was excited to eat them. I had like 5 servings of the stuff. The crickets were crunchy and tasted like crispy crablettes. My mom told me not to eat too much as that I might get an upset stomach. To the surprise of the family, I DID get sick, but not because of indigestion. I was allergic to the stuff and I broke out in hives and rashes. I never ate them ever since.

Ketchup/Mayonnaise Sandwich- This is a gourmet delight of my own creation which was brought out by a mere accident. My uncle was making hamburgers and would, instinctively put the ketchup and mayonnaise on his bun first before the burger. After putting the stuff in mine and aiming for the burger to be my next victim, to my dismay, there was nothing left! I was forced to eat my burger-less bun with all the condiments in it…and I loved it! My dad would just stare at me with puzzled eyes as I would make my gourmet sandwich everyday after school. After a while I got sick of it and stopped.

Stingray-I didn’t want to pass off the opportunity of eating a sting ray when I was in Cebu. It was surprisingly bony. It was like eating fish in on chicken ribs. I heard that the meat was inherently spicy, meaning you don’t need chilli to spice up the meat. I don’t know, though.

Buro”/”Ginamos”- Cebuanos would drown their rice in this gray stuff that “used” to be fish and salt in a jar. It’s available is different stages of decomposition. From ‘just starting to get runny ' to ‘gray cesspool’. Buro is rice and fish perfectly blended together for a certain amount of time to harmonize into a porridge of strong flavors and aromas that looks like cat vomit. Perfect with broiled fish and usually eaten with mustasa, this stuff is loved by Kapampangans but hated by everyone else. I once asked a Cebuano if he ever ate buro, he said, “No. I’ll just stick to ginamos”. That’s like saying “ I’d rather have my arms rather than my legs cut off.”
Still, I love both. If prepared well and cooked properly, I can’t get enough of this stuff. Both are very high in sodium and don’t have very much nutritional value. But when did that ever stop us?

Knorr Cubes- There was a familiar piece of brown stuff in aluminum foil wrapping on the kitchen table one day.

I swear, I thought it was Choc-Nut.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have my own share of weird-stuff-i-ate-at-one-point-in-my-life. but your scotchtape-eating wins, hands down man.


9:30 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

knorr cubes= choc nut!?!?!?!

4:51 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beware of the Rocketboy! He'll literally eat you out of house and home! -Wylmer

9:14 PM

Anonymous jan said...

One cold, dreary morning, in San Fran, I reached over the sink to grab my toothbrush, and brush my teeth. After about 3 seconds, I wondered why there was no minty taste or foam...I have since discovered that KY jelly is both odorless and tasteless. Ewww!!!

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4:32 AM


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